The bond between a parent and a child is special. It’s a devine psychological connection which is omnipresent in this world; more likely for a child the presence of their parents is vital for their mental well-being than they are just present. But what happens they are separated? Separation does not always means physical distance but also separation emotionally. You might be living in one house but separated emotionally. This emotional or physical abandonment can lead to mental health issues such as Anxiety and Depression in either parent or child or even both. But mostly it affects child’s Mental Health more adversely than adult individual.
What is Emotional abandonment Or Separation?
The day child is born a sense of emotion bonding beget between parent and child. One becomes emotionally separated or abandoned when; one you are counting upon, fails to understand your emotions or your emotional needs. While children are young they depend on their parents for their physical and emotional needs and when parents reach a old age they turn upon on their children for a emotional support. So what actually goes wrong here?
Why Do Adult Children Estrange Their Parent?
Children Blame Parents For Not being Good Parents
The reason of estrangement between parent and a child is diverse. But most common reason seems to be Abusive ambience in a family, Abusive childhood or under Toxic relationship. Children blame their parents for not being good parents. They imbibe the feeling of not being loved or nurtured by parents, may be due to family dispute, divorce or alcohol abuse.
Sometime emotionally painful episode from the past haunt them which parents might not be aware of. The child faced hard time expressing their emotions due to they might be reared in time, culture, circumstances or mindset of parent.
Children Blames Parents’ For Still Treating Them As Kids
For a long period of time parents take charge over their kids. But leaving behind this authority over children becomes difficult when they grow up. They can’t keep themselves aloof from unnecessary voicing, interfering or advising. Mostly adult children find this behaviour quite embarrassing and irritating because they have their own choices, experience and decission.
When children values and decision start conflicting their parents; such as on basis religion, political, marriage, job, friends or any life decisions. When values conflict questions are raised on moral grounds and upbringing.
Emotional separation leaves parents with a traumatic mental state. Feeling anxiety, depression, sadness and tearfull are common. But if these symptoms persist family support or Psychological Counselling becomes important.
Physical And Emotional Abandonment Or Separation of A Child from Parents.
Under what circumstances does a child gets physically and emotionally ?
There are plenty of circumstances in which a parent might be forced to get separated from child. Such as in case:
-Financial problems -Abusive family circumstances -Addiction to alcohol and drugs
-Taking care of a sick family member and leading a life under penury.
– Suffering from mental illness.
-Expecting too much from the child.
– Any unwanted separation such as during war or refugee.
Whenever, a parent abandon a child physically. The child is also abandoned emotionally.
How does emotional separation affect a child?
Separation or abandonment leaves a very traumatic effect on child’s mental state. Child always feel rejected and keep on feeling the pain of being separated from parents. They keep on thinking why their parents left them all alone.
Incase of Divorce children often feel dejected and blame themselves for the reason of their parents separation. They have a very hard time believing that they have to loose one of the parent in most cases the father. They have to choose between either of the parent. They often develop a feeling of animosity for the custodian parent and blame him or her for breaking the family. They start believing that unbefitting of their parent’s love and attention – and these feelings become imbibed as demeaning, shameful, a deep sense of being scare and devoid of love.
Abandonment or Separation leads to difficulty in trusting people and Anxiety.
When children get separated from parents they loose trust on the entire world. They run into a thinking process that if their parents were not able to nurture they physical and emotional need nobody in this world is liable for trust. This attribute effects all relationships of the child when they enter adulthood. They fail to trust anyone or any relationship in their life and thus most of the time they encounter a feeling of absolute loneliness.
Abandonment or Separation leads to feeling ashamed and unworthy
An abandoned child fail to under why their parents got separated and left them alone. In turn they built up of feeling of rejection and unworthy. They feel that they are unworthy of love and affection that’s why their parents left them. They develop a tendency of self hurt and anxiety of getting rejected. Infact some children try to become perfectionist to hide their fear. They show the entire world that they are the best and nobody can beat them, nobody can reject them.
An emotionally separated child show signs of depression, anxiety, hurt people, self harm, numb their feelings by alcohol or drugs and break rules. But they are always left with an empty hole in their mind for not being loved, nurtured or cared.
How To Heal This Feeling of Hurt, Shame and Unworthy.
Rewire the feeling of false belief that childhood abandonment was their fault.
Parents got separated for they were not happy with each other.
Every person has got emotional needs so it’s ok to feel the urge to get emotional attention.
Self love and care is important.
Not every relationship is unworthy to trust.
One can try to spread love and trust to build healthier relationship.
Validate your emotional needs, write them on paper. Talking to a friend, spiritual leader or Therapist can help.
Seeking help to revive from the pain of emotional separation is always advisable. An expert counseling and psychotherapy can help to lead a healthier life.
Find solution at YoTalks, speak to our experts
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